Jenny McQueen

Is this post going up 6 months into my twins third year? Yes, but if you’re also a twin parent, this makes sense. I wrote down my thoughts shortly after their second birthday; the twins turned 2 in January, and now (in June) I feel like the last of the post partum fog are really lifting. The first year was the hardest one of my life, so of course the second one felt much easier. But it was still hard; still exhausting, and still difficult for me to get real rest. That’s finally changing, btw, so if you’re in the thick of it with new twins, PLEASE hang in there!!

Okay, let’s get to what went well for parenting one year old twins.

Eating: During the first year I took ideas from baby led weaning, and so in the second year I decided to just keep rolling with giving them allll the food options. I kept a really laid back approach; each meal I’d serve them a plate with three options, and if they didn’t eat something, I didn’t push it. Strawberries, canned pears, bananas and turkey hot dogs were fast favorites. We also made a lot of organic mac and cheese. Like..a LOT!

I started working with utensils and open cups Since they outnumber me, I wanted them eating independently as soon as possible. Of course they still prefer eating with their hands, but they mastered the forks and cups surprisingly fast.

We also used the heck out of these refillable food pouches. The pre-made ones are EXPENSIVE and my twins would suck them down so fast! I tried a few, but these ones held the most, so we would load them up with yogurt or applesauce. I especially loved them in the mornings; we’d hand them each a pouch after waking up and it bought me some time before I had to have breakfast ready. I am not a morning person, so being able to sip my coffee in peace, even if only for a few minutes, is pure gold.

Crib to bed transition: Y’all, I was so terrified of this. I really wanted to put it off, but when one twin climbed out of her crib…and then INTO the other twins crib, I didn’t have a choice. They were about 20 months, and I knew we would be moving into our RV in a few months, so I didn’t want to invest in toddler beds. So we broke down the cribs, put their mattresses on the floor, and prayed for sleep.

The first couple of nights were rough, but it improved a little by the end of that week. Half the time they would sleep on the floor, but it didn’t seem to bother them, so I made sure they had plenty of blankets, and eventually we put a mattress topper on the floor between their beds for more comfort. At this age they couldn’t open the door, so we just had to practice patience when they were crying at the door. We didn’t sleep train when they were babies, so that part was hard for me, but my husband would set a timer for 10 minutes after the first few check-ins, and eventually they’d settle in. It was tough, but overall not as bad as I thought.

My first night away. A couple months after their first birthday, the timing felt right; I needed a break. I have a friend who lives in Sanibel Island, a tiny slice of paradise on the golf coast in Florida. We booked a sitter for a few good chunks over a weekend, and I hopped a plane Thursday evening. I’ll be honest, I felt a little guilty for not feeling guilty about leaving. I was a little teary kissing the twins goodbye, but I felt in my soul that this was a needed break, and I soaked up every minute of sunshine and sleep.

Travel. These twins may not have been on a plane, but they have logged some road trip miles! We drove to Texas to deal with my Dad’s apartment when he passed; that was an awful trip, but the twins were champions. I drove to Ohio and then on to Wisconsin for Thanksgiving. We did a couple smaller trips in Virginia for a weekend at my mom’s, and another weekend at a cabin in Charlottesville. Every time I’ve been shocked at how well they do on long drives, which bodes well for our new travel lifestyle!!!

Every time I load the truck with snacks, juice boxes and new toys from the dollar store. I make sure I have a changing pad in the cab, and if I’m solo, I bring the harness and the double stroller for rest stops. The trips haven’t been perfect, but they have been manageable. I’m proud of them and I’m proud of me for pulling it off!

Getting out of the house more. Taking twins out alone is intimidating, but it’s so good for all of us. I decided to start signing us up for things; library story time, a Children’s museum membership and a botanical gardens membership. I hate wasting money, so buying those memberships motivated me to use them, and it gave us an indoor option when the weather was bad. Some days were better than others, but again, I’m really proud of us for doing it!!N

Now for the tougher stuff; what didn’t go so well with the second year of twins:

Naps. Oh boy, naps were the bane of my existence. We dropped the morning nap shortly after they turned one and that wasn’t a smooth transition. It felt like every day, at least one of the twins slept poorly. I was never able to get a consistent length of nap for both of them, so while the first 30 minutes usually meant a quiet house, naptime was in no way a guaranteed break for me. Sometimes they would sleep for two hours…but mostly not. Anything over 2 hours felt like a miracle. At one point, we actually tried totally dropping naps because they went a full week without refusing sleep in the afternoons, but I quickly realized that was a terrible idea and they just had to get back in the habit. Naps are still hit or miss, but enough hit to keep them going, hopefully until at least 3. 🤞🏼

Family meals. Listen, I had the best intentions; everyone tells you how important it is to eat family meals together, but the logistics of feeding two toddlers and preparing food for ourselves are just not realistic. It caused me so much stress to attempting to eat together that I quickly decided it wasn’t worth it. We will bring this back when they are older…and can carry a conversation with us 😜.

Multi tasking. Oh man, so many balls got dropped last year. I kept hearing about this mythical approach to getting things done AND having toddlers at home, but the twins in this phase were so hand on. We baby proofed the heck out of our house, but they still managed to find danger. They also had big feelings about mom doing anything that didn’t involve them: honestly, it started to really frustrate me. I felt like I couldn’t answer an email, wash dishes, really anything that needed to get done. It left me feeling overwhelmed and like I was a failure more often than I care to admit. Which brings me to the last thing I REALLY struggled with throughout the second year …

Feeling like a good parent. I wish this wasn’t on the list, but it’s true, and I want to be fully transparent. I’m in a better place now, so I can say this with tenderness towards myself, but I felt like I was so bad at keeping up with everything, that something must be wrong with me. Why couldn’t I keep two toddlers happy, keep up with an entire house, answer work emails as soon as they came in, work out, manage doctors appointments, turn around photo projects on time, and relax in the evenings? Oh yeah…because it’s impossible. Okay and probably because of undiagnosed ADHD, but that’s for another post.

This thought pattern took up way too much space in my brain, and I wish I could take back the time and energy I spent beating myself up for not being able to handle it all.

Overall I will remember the second year of twin parenting for being fun, adventurous and a heavy learning curve. I’m not one of those parents who cries when their kids get older (maybe that’ll change?), so I’m really pumped about this year…we are focusing hard on our family systems, and I think some good things are coming!